Moments Captured #4 - The Light of Smiles

 "Every smile makes you a day younger." ~ Chinese proverb

 

It's a quiet morning today. Nothing pressing to steal me away, until a chiropractor's appointment in a couple of hours. (Ugh - it's a "pain" - literally and figuratively - to get older!). But let's not get side-tracked on the "complaint caboose". Keep chugging along here.

So, I was just browsing through old photographs because I wanted to share some of my favorites again. I'm never quite sure which ones will catch my eye and spark me to include them. That's what makes this kind of entry fun for me. I wind up stumbling over some hidden "pearls" that I hadn't appreciated like I do now. Such is the case today.

Today's theme is "The Light of Smiles". Here are a handful of favorite pics of mine because I love the smiles that they captured. And those smiles ignite the same in me every time I see them.

Izzy and me at the beach - August 2015

This 1st photo is just precious! There is nothing like the pure smile of a happy dog! Izzy just loved going anywhere with us, but especially to the beach. She would run and run and run until she couldn't run anymore. And then she would just sit on my chest and smile. She died two years ago - and I miss her still today. A few tears when I think that thought...but mostly smiles remembering her love. 

Deborah and her cousins - June 2016

“The people who make you smile from just seeing them, those are my favorite people.” – Koi Fresco

One of my truly favorite photos: Deborah and the Hindy boys: her cousins (Robbie, Billy, and Tommy). This was my 1st chance to meet all of them with her. Sadly, what brought us all together was the funeral for their mother, Deborah's Aunt Mabel. Deborah loved Aunt Mabel dearly, and her sons were like big brothers to Deborah. She had told me many a story of them laughing, rough-housing, and teasing her, and deep down, I could tell she loved their attention. I took this picture at the restaurant we all gathered at after Mabel's funeral in order to remember and celebrate her there. It was a great afternoon - filled with love and smiles - as you can see. 

The Schnorenberg clan - "BAM!" August 1998

My family often got together for special "events" (traditional, i.e. Christmas, and imagined, i.e. "BAM!). And the gatherings almost always "required" a family photo to be taken to record the occasion. This photo (taken by then son-in-law Andy S.) is one of my favorite family shots. The occasion: "BAM!" 1998: A BBQ/Bragging rights summer event that we held for 9 years every summer (named after the inimitable TV chef Emeril Lagasse and his pet phrase when cooking!). The men cooked and bragged. The women judged and laughed at the men bragging. And we all smiled. My, my. Look how young and fresh-faced we all looked 25 years ago. It was rare to get the whole family together for this; we did this year.  A great family memory. 

The siblings and Mom - February 2019

And here we are much later. A little broader in the beam. A little grayer. My Dad is no longer with us. But smiles can still be found at the Ranch. 

Deborah and her parents - Cheers! - Solvang CA 2017

¨Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.¨- Christina Rossetti

Deborah's parents live in southern California, so I've only a few occasions to meet and visit with them. For many years, we would arrange to meet somewhere in California and spend a few days together. Our last visit like that was in August 2017 when we met them in Solvang, a cute Danish town in southern California. They took us to Rusack Winery there, one that they belonged to, and I took this picture while we were eating lunch and enjoying the wine. The smiles of all 3 DeMattias here makes me smile. Danny Moe was a real character: New York Italian through and through. Generous. Full of stories. And you can tell in this picture that he loved his daughter...and she loved him. He too has passed away. A silent "Cheers" to Danny Moe from Jonny Teach (as he liked to call me).

Pinning a rose on the groom - May 21 2021 FLA

One of the proudest moments in both Deborah and my lives was when we celebrated her son Dan's marriage to a beautiful woman, Krystal, last year.  It was a moment that for years, we both wondered if it would even happen or if we'd even be there. No need to explain why. But it happened. And what made it even more special was that Dan and Krystal asked me to officiate their wedding - a first for me. And I proudly did. This photo taken by their photographer is of me fumbling through pinning the rose on Dan. I treasure seeing his smile. We had traveled a long road as stepfather and stepson in the 16 years leading up to this moment. I am proud to have been a father figure that he could rely on. And I'm humbled by the love that is silently expressed in this photo. Priceless. 

But to end this entry, there still is only one smile that is absolutely GUARANTEED to lighten my heart...to brighten my spirit...the smile that my eyes always seek...and fall in love with over and over...

Me and Deborah - TIPS Work Party June 2017

It doesn't matter where we are. At the beach. Working at the Foundation (like above), or in the front yard. Out on a date or just hanging out at home. Deborah's smile is a welcome beacon in my life for the last 17 years. And for many, many more years to come. 

 “Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody’s heart.” – Anthony J. D’Angelo

Thanks, Sweetie...for opening my heart. You fit perfectly. 

A Wondrous Journey (Ch. 6) - An Unforgettable River Adventure

 "The best gift you could have gotten her was a lifetime of adventures." ~ Lewis Carroll

Here's a recent bit of "relationship wisdom" that I've seen floating around the Internet recent (usually delivered by an attractive, laughing younger couple pointing at each other): "A successful marriage is made up of two kinds of people: One person who is boring. And one person who is crazy." It always makes me chuckle to see who is pointing at whom. 

Take a guess at who is which in our relationship. I'll give you a clue...

Mr. Boring and Mrs. Crazy - Carmel CA 2017

There is no question that Deborah is the more daring, more adventurous soul between the two of us. Though I've traveled a little more than she has, she is the one who has always been more excited to take us off to do something with a little risk in it - just a wee bit of "danger". And to be honest, that's probably what attracted this shy guy to her! 

There was an epic adventure that we went on early in our relationship that I will never forget. Looking back, I'm sure I would've never done this by myself, but now am so glad that I did. And an added bonus was that we learned things about ourselves (individually and as a couple) that have been priceless, and the adventure we shared in is part of our love history as a couple. It brought us closer together.

Rafting the Rogue River - July 11 2005

The scenic Rogue River and Hellgate Bridge

It was our 1st summer together and Deborah decided that we should take a July afternoon and go white-water rafting down the scenic Rogue River. This beautiful stretch of water is right in our backyard so to speak - just 10 minutes away from home. She had gone rafting a few times in her previous marriage, but I had never done anything like this in my life. But I was "brave" (more likely very naive), and because I was in love I was willing to do anything the woman of my dreams wanted to do. So off we went for a nice afternoon float. Uh. Yeah.

We decided to do the float from Hog Creek to Galice: described as "...an excellent novice run...and ultra pleasant". As we rode in the shuttle van to our drop-off point, both Deborah and I sat silently: Me, just bouncing along with the ride; she (I later learned) a bit nervous.  The shaggy-haired teen driving gave us the only rafting instruction/advice that he deemed necessary. He simply said: "Just remember. If you fall in, "Noses and toes up!". Swell. We reached Hog Creek. And took the obligatory selfie.

Deborah at Hog Creek - Still smiling

We lowered the two person kayak gently into the river. Gingerly boarded it - life-jackets snugly fastened. The guide let go of the kayak - and we suddenly shot down the river like we were on a wild mare loosed from the rodeo chute! Bucking and bouncing off waves while the two of us - Deborah in front, me in the back - scrambled to figure out which end of our oars were the "working" ends!

Hog Creek ramp - Don't let the looks fool you!

The next 3 miles down river through Hellgate Canyon can be summed up in the following exchanges between the two of us (each of which occurred more than once!):

Deborah:    "Oh my God, Jonathan! We're headed right for the big rock!"

Me:            "Relax, Sweetie. It's all ok." BUMP!! (backwards)

Deborah:     "Go STRAIGHT, Jonathan! Everytime I let you paddle, we go backwards!"

Me:            "Relax, Sweetie. I know what I'm..." WHACK!! SPLASH!"

Me:            "Wow! Wasn't that exciting!"

Deborah:    "YOU'RE NOT EVEN WET!" Paddle splash!!

Me:            Now wet

The climax of this part of the "float" - as we pinballed from one riffle to another down the Rogue - somehow avoiding being flipped into the blue water - was the following exchange: One that taught me a valuable lesson (one I've never forgotten) about what NOT to say to a woman at anytime. Ever. 

Typical view as we bounced along

Deborah:    "Jonathan. You need to paddle straight and harder!"

Me:            "We'd be FINE, if you'd just stop flailing around."

A moment of silence now for that infinitely stupid thing to say. I'm sure you're wincing as you read it. I am. I was younger, and much dumber in the ways of relationships back then. 

Deborah:    "Flailing? Flailing?. All right then."

And promptly crossed her arms, took her oars out of the water and left me to "manly-muscle" the two person kayak around the river on my own until I apologized most sincerely. 

The last couple of miles were a little calmer (both in the boat and on the river!). We glided past the Morrison River Lodge, and then pulled out at the Galice Resort. We were grateful to have made it without a single splash into the river (we credit that to Deborah's great sense of balance - and luck!). And, as you can see, we still had smiles for each other. 

End of the Hog Creek-Galice adventure. Still smiling!

Not exactly an ace rafter - but happy to make it!

"In life it's not where you go, it's who you travel with." ~ Charles Schultz

There is no question that two people can learn a lot about each other when they travel together or go out "adventuring" as we did on this summer day 17 years ago. 

You learn about the importance of patience - and forgiveness. You learn about how each person reacts to stress or unexpected twists and turns. You learn about perseverance and inner strength. You learn about trust. And most importantly, you learn about the limitations you're willing to step through - all in the name of love. 

I'm grateful for all the adventures we've shared since that July afternoon on the Rogue River. I'm sure I'll write about many more of them in future entries. Each of them as helped the two of us weave a quilt of love together that has grown bigger and tighter as time has passed. 

Still kinda crazy about each other

"Here's to all the places we went, and here's to all the places we'll go. And here's to me, whispering again and again and again. I love you." ~ John Green

Amen to that. I may be the boring one still. But I know one person I'm crazy about. Always will be. 

Our Summer Friends Are Arriving

"Flowers are the sweetest things that God ever made, and forgot to put souls into." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Summer is coming. I know it. Though gray clouds are still hanging around a bit like lazy sea lions on a rock in the ocean, the signs that summer is near are starting to appear.

It is isn't the temperature either. That's still a bit iffy. Shorts and flip flops are still rare in their appearance. Our bedroom windows are still kept shut against the chilly night air when we go to sleep.

What is the harbinger of summer that I see this afternoon and celebrate?

It is the flowers. The earliest ones of summer are starting to appear. They come carrying their "suitcase pots". And the signs that their friendly cohorts - who are planning much longer stays- are on their way too are easy to see as well. I just have to lift my head and say "Howdy!"

Howdy. hardy little red petunia...sneaking in shyly. Glad you're here!

Your bigger brothers have parachuted in, next to the pansies that have been guarding our deck for a few weeks now. They're glad for the company as well!

A small platoon of marigolds has merrily marched in and set up camp in front of the deck!

The quartet of cosmos has been waiting for the rest of the party to show up. They're ready for a rest!

Waiting out back are the 1st scouts of the Shasta Daisy army that is still a month away...

And the peonies are just about to bust at the seams! They are about as excited as a kid at his first country fair or circus. "Let's Go!", they are whispering. "Time to get things popping around here!"

And the one wild rose bush in the backyard can't wait for his other more sophisticated siblings to show up in a month. He's showing off right now!

How extraordinary flowers are... People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us. ~Iris Murdoch

So welcome to all of our summer friends, new and old. Glad you're showing up. You are always welcome! Stay as long as you like. We'll do our best to take good care of you!

And a special thanks to my wife Deborah. She is the one who works the hardest at "inviting" these summer friends.  Thank you Sweetie for the beauty that you bring to our home. 

The smiles they give both of us are true summer gems. 

Earth laughs in flowers... ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remembering "The One"

 “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” (Charles Dickens)

Today's entry is inspired by a story that I once had taped to the wall behind my desk in the classroom; tucked away in a spot only I could see. Its semi-secret location was intentional. I wanted it to be someplace where I could turn to it and find encouragement when the day had been hard. When my students seemed most disconnected and unteachable. When the lesson plan just flopped. When I felt the sting of defiance from an angry teen...or when one more burden was added to my already filled day by a distant administrator. When the thought arose stealthily from the recesses of my mind and whispered, "Why are you doing this?. This is too much." And in those moments, this story always helped me. 

It's most common title is "The Starfish Story". It is adapted from the original story "The Star Thrower" by Loren Eiseley. You can read it below.

That Truth was one I never wanted to forget, especially in the midst of discouragement and seeming failure. When everything in me was screaming, "You cannot - you haven't - made a difference!" And in those times, I'd read the story, and then I'd try to do what it reminded me to do: Find the One. Remember the One. Work to help the One. "I can make a difference to this one". 

I can vividly remember one time in my teaching career when this reminder absolutely transformed a moment. It happened 8 years ago. I had retired from full-time teaching, but was in my 2nd year as a substitute teacher - still learning what that was all about. I took a job subbing for a middle school choir teacher, thinking "How hard can this be?". To make a LONG story (and day!) short - it was the hardest day of my 37+ years as a teacher. The hardest part was being sent to an elementary school and trying to lead a class of 1st graders. No lesson plan. Just 22 6 year olds dropped in my lap. All I had been left to do was sing "I've Been Working On the Railroad" to them. As I feebly tried to do that, chaos was erupting around me. Boys running up and down the aisles. A little girl tugging on my pants leg, asking me to tie her shoe. Loud urchins banging on the drums in the back of the room like mad Taiko warriors. I felt totally helpless. I knew enough that I couldn't just start yelling at the little kids in my most menacing "teacher voice". That would've merely made them cry. I was at my wits end. 

Then, in the midst of the thunderous chaos, I looked up. And I saw a quiet little Hispanic girl just sitting there. Looking at me. She seemed unaffected by the tumult; just patiently gazing at me. Doing her best to be "the good little girl" that her parents had raised her to be. Watching me and waiting - waiting for my response. 

And in that moment, I remembered to Find the One and to do my best to make a difference for that One. For her. So I took a deep breath, and I gave her my full attention. Our eyes met, and I smiled at her and nodded. And then I leaned closer to her and said "Thank you for being a good student". She smiled back, as I proceeded around the room and gently, slowly corralled the rest of the rowdies back into their seats just as the bell rang.  I went home that day, absolutely exhausted. But I never forgot the power and the beauty of that single moment with that little girl. 

It's so easy to forget the power of a single, seemingly "tiny" action. Darkness and discouragement work overtime to convince us that we are powerless in their presence. All around us all we seem to see these days is conflict and unfairness. The powerful and connected seem to get away with whatever they want. The world seems controlled by those much "larger" than just "me" - the individual. Hypocrisy and lies seem to be the currency that "gets you ahead". In the face of being "cancelled", or "doxxed", or hounded by the "Woke" mob, what can one do? 

The answer, I believe, lies in the story I shared at the beginning. Find the One. Work to Remember the One. Help the One. Have the Courage to Be the One. 

“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened. (Billy Graham)

All of the noblest virtues in Life - Courage, Compassion, Patience, Honesty, Forgiveness, Charity, and especially Love - are seeded in each one of us. And they flower and grow when they are shared. One small act at a time.  This is how what is True spreads, and how it exists throughout time, no matter the challenges. 

I recently shared this story with my daughter in-law. She is currently working as a traveling nurse and is away from her family often. Her job requires her to do her best to help those who are in pain and are helpless. And one night, my wife told me Krystal was feeling discouraged. "This is too much", she said.  So I passed on this story to her and told her we believed in her and loved her. 

The next morning Krystal texted me and thanked me for the encouragement. She said she went back to work looking for "the one" and doing her best for that person. 

I'm sure she found the One. Just as I had when I shared the story with her. She was my One that day.

May I remember to keep looking each day for the next One. That's how Pearls are found. One at a time.

Gifts to Grandpa - Love, Elijah

“To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word ‘boo’.” (Robert Brault)

Ten years ago, I began a blog entry with this very same quote. The entry was titled "The Magic of a Touch", and in it I wrote about my invitation to attend - and my 1st lesson - in "Grandpa School". And over the years the lessons in "Grandpa School" have continued to go on. If you want to read that entry, here's a link to it:

The Magic of a Touch - August 14 2012

My stepson Dan got remarried last year to a beautiful woman, Krystal, and Deborah and I see them and their 4 children often. Deborah has always been the epitome' of an enthusiastic, loving "Grandma". She just loves the kids completely and gives herself completely to them, as often as she can. I, on the other, am a little more reserved - a little slower to "warm up" to this "Grandpa thing".  Not sure why. You'd think that someone born into a large family like me would crave being in a big family himself. But I never have. Always been kind of a loner. I also never met my own grandfathers - both having died when I was a baby. So maybe I never really knew what "Grandpa-ing" was all about. 

Nevertheless, I love my grandkids now. Pure and simple. That's what the grey clouds and gusty breezes outside have moved me to write about today. I want to introduce you to each of my grandchildren. It has been a fun journey discovering who they are - and learning a little about myself through them. I thought I could write a little about each one of them in this entry, but that was impossible. Too many memories (already!); too many pictures to share. So I'll just focus on one - and promise to write about each of the others in later entries. 

Meet Elijah Liam McMillen

Me and Elijah playing around - October 2020

It's truly been a joy getting to know Elijah. He's 6 years old now. Always been the "apple" of his Grandma's eye ( as you can see below)

Elijah and Deborah - October 2021

Elijah is "all boy". He loves trucks and cars and running fast - all the time. And he loves the color blue and "winning" at everything. He climbs stuff. He jumps off stuff. He can smack a golf ball with the form of a young Jack Nicklaus. But he is also a very thoughtful and sensitive little guy who loves to read and show me how he can do his letters and add things up and draw animals. And he loves music (just like his dad), as this picture below reveals.

Maestro Elijah and his violin - August 2019

I love Elijah's innocence and enthusiasm now. There's nothing he isn't interested in - and loves to learn about. Whenever we're together, he wants to show me something new he can do. There's always a new game to play that he's made up - a place we have to hike to. And always - someplace to run to. Even the golf course. The next picture perfectly sums him up (and is blurry because he's so fast! :-)

Me and Elijah - Dutcher Creek March 2021

One thing that I love most about Elijah is he is such a good big brother to his two sisters, Emma and Addy. He and Emma are real"buddies": peas in a pod, peanut butter and jelly, Laurel and Hardy, the Dynamic Duo - always together, always busy. Almost always having a good time together

Elijah and Emma monkeying around - Summer 2021

Elijah "4-wheeling" with Addy - April 2022

And Elijah looks after his little sister Addy too. Pretty cool to watch him with both of them. 

So what "Grandpa Lessons" have I learned from Elijah so far? Well, in his own little way - simply through his actions and his energy - he reminds me of so many valuable things. The virtues of wonder and enthusiasm. How refreshing it is to be around a being who is open to anything. The fact that I need to keep working out so I can keep up with him! Each time I'm around him I'm also reminded of something that has been easy for me to forget in the years since I left the classroom.

There are little ones (and big ones) around you that are always watching and learning from you. Silent eyes: looking for inspiration; looking for attention; looking for strength; looking for love; looking to be taught. It's important to be sensitive to those eyes. There is a heart longing to be nurtured. Lessons that I'm still called to teach - not through my words, but through my example. Imprints that can be made on a 6 year old that will only flower a dozen or more years later. I want to remember to be generous and thoughtful with the moments I'm given to do just this. 

“His heritage to his children wasn’t words or possessions, but an unspoken treasure, the treasure of his example as a man and father.” (Will Rogers Jr.)

I will never be a  biological father, though I've been graced to be seen as a "father figure" to some.  And I'm happy that I have the chance to be a Grandpa to a grandson like Elijah. He's definitely a real Pearl. 

Two guys hanging out - November 2021