A Wondrous Journey (Ch. 5): "Take Me Away, Jonathan!" - Love At the Beach

 "If there's Heaven for me, I'm sure it has a beach attached to it." (Jimmy Buffett)

How do you know when you've found your soulmate? Well, I think one answer is when you discover that the two of you share a love for something beautiful and bigger than either of you; a love that you perhaps can't even describe. Such is the case for Deborah and I. 

We both share a love of being at the beach, though our experiences of it prior to meeting couldn't have been more different! Deborah was raised in southern California so she grew up with the warm beaches of Malibu and Zuma right in her backyard. Because of this, she loves to splash in the surf and has spent countless hours basking in the sunny sands there. I, on the other hand, grew up in northern Oregon. Trips to the beach were a once year highlight in the summer; partly because of the daunting challenge my parents faced of packing up 8 kids in a VW van to drive two hours for a "day at the beach", and partly because the beaches of the Oregon coast are beautiful, but the waters are chilly. Yet, despite this, I grew to love the beach and would frequently choose to go to the coast whenever I wanted to treat myself to a holiday.

So, it isn't a surprise that some of my best memories of my courtship of Deborah come from the 1st trips to the Oregon coast we made together 15 years ago. Here are some of my memories from our "coastal courtship" that first summer together. They are some of the most precious ones we still talk about today. 

February 2005: "Welcome to Bandon"

I boldly invited Deborah to come away with me on a 3 day weekend for an overnight stay in Bandon, Oregon. I had visited here many times as a bachelor, but now was determined to "wow" Deborah (if she'd agree to come - which she eagerly did!). Excitedly, I booked us into a very classy place, "The Lighthouse B & B" (usually I stayed by myself in "cheaper accomodations"). Located directly at the entrance into Bandon harbor, across from the Coquille River lighthouse - our getaway was gorgeous. And we had the entire house to ourselves! What a treat! 

• We sat each night by the glow of a wood fire and talked and talked. In the morning, we woke and drank our coffee gazing out at the quiet waters as the sun rose.
• I took Deborah to see Face Rock for the 1st time and will never forget the tears of joy and gratitude that streamed down her face as she looked at this local landmark. "Thank you for bringing me here. I've loved it!", she said. 
• We took our 1st pictures together here. "The Lump on the Log", "Deby Loves Jon".

April 2005:  "Birthday in Brookings"

We went to Brookings to celebrate my birthday and stayed at the Whaleshead Cove Resort. It was an eventful weekend. It was here that we agreed that I would move in with her and leave my bachelor apartment in Medford where I had been for 13 years. And there were other special memories:

• Having the world's oldest lounge singer (80+) serenade me (something I had told Deborah NOT to ask him to do - naturally she "disobeyed"), and lead all 8 of the other diners in singing "Happy Birthday" to me.
• How hard Deborah cried one night because being in Brookings brought back painful memories of past trips here with her ex-husband Jack and their failed marriage. All I could do was hold her and comfort her as she sobbed. 
• My role of "Dependable Sherpa" was born! We walked on the beach one day. My hands were filled with bags and baskets and I was also gingerly holding Deborah's hand, leading her through dry spots on the beach - while wading through ankle deep water myself. I would do anything for my Princess that day. And still do. 

Summer 2005:    "Lighthouses, Gardens, and other Treasures Discovered"

We took several more trips to the coast that summer: to Yachats; Bandon again; back to Brookings. So many memories...it's hard to recount them all

• We stayed at new places that have since become favorites of ours: the Windermere cottages in Bandon; the Overleaf Lodge in Yachats; the "By the Sea" B & B in Brookings (alas now gone)
• We saw 7 of Oregon's 8 lighthouses (a feat more "impressive" to me than Deborah(
• I took Deborah to Shore Acres Gardens and to Simpson Reef there for the 1st time, and she was awed by its rugged beauty! "Jonathan! Why didn't you tell me this place was so gorgeous!"
• Deborah worrying about me catching cold on a beach walk (and sensing rightly that I was trying to "hide" the fact that I wasn't feeling well!) and telling me to "Get behind me! I'll be your windbreak and protect you!" (all 5 feet of her!)

Deborah gave me a ring when we returned to Brookings at the end of the summer: a beautiful silver Celtic knot design. I wore it until it was replaced by the wedding band I treasure today.  But what I treasure even more is what she wrote on a hand-made card with it:

"I love you...I believe in you...I trust in you...I'm proud of you...I care deeply for you...I am inspired by you...I am grounded in you...I am steadied by you...I have fun with you...You make me smile again!...You are in my soul...You are in my heart...I love you!!!"

As you can see, our shared love for the sea has only deepened the love that we had for each other. And this is still true to this day. Going to the Oregon coast will always be a "magical escape" for the two of us: one that never fails to fill our hearts and touch our souls...and bring us closer together.

"Jonathan, take me away!"..."Yes, my dear. Away to the beach, my love." 

“Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.” – Sarah Kay

Remembering What's First

 Do you remember this scene from the 1990's movie "City Slickers"? Mitch (Billy Crystal) is suffering a mid-life crisis and decides to go out west with some buddies to find himself on a dude ranch, where they get the chance to lead a cattle drive. Mitch meets Curly, a grizzled old cowboy who, while they're on the cattle drive, shares the "secret of life" in this following exchange. Click below to watch it if you'd like.

https://youtu.be/PunAKEccqyU

Here's the exchange (if you don't want to watch it)

"The One Thing" ("City Slickers", 1991)

And that scene led me to reflect on something that my teacher Guy Finley had talked about - and that  I later gave a talk about in an online study group with other students a week ago. The key point was to REMEMBER THE RIGHT ORDER OF THINGS IN LIFE and to remember that I'm not the "Captain of my Life". There is a "Celestial Captain" (in Guy's words) that is already in charge, and that I'm meant to be in relationship with. 

At the end of his talk, Guy shared this beautiful prayer. It's posted on the wall in the main room at the Foundation. I remember reading it the first time I attended class here 15 years ago. It touched me deeply; so much so that I read it aloud as part of our wedding ceremony, also 15 years ago. 

In the talk that I recently gave, I reflected on what this prayer means to me now. I recognized it then, as I do today, as a beautiful reminder of the RIGHT ORDER - not just in my life with Deborah, or relationships with others - but with LIFE itself...with what is Divine...what is Higher...with what has GIVEN me Life.

So I wanted to share this beautiful prayer, and my reflections, as a way to strengthen in me the wish, and the intention to put into practice this "One Thing".  Here is that prayer and my reflections.

"ALWAYS YOU" (by Guy Finley)

BEFORE I DREAM, MAY I HOPE FOR YOU.

May I have the grace...the humility...to remember that this Moment has all I need in it. And thought, imagination, and worry just take me away from the gifts that are there for me.

BEFORE I LONG, MAY I REACH FOR YOU.

When I feel regret or frustrations, help me remember that YOU brought this moment to me. Help me remember the source of this Moment, and not RUN FROM IT. To stay in an uncomfortable moment - suffering it consciously - is to reach for what's Higher. 

BEFORE I JUDGE, MAY I LISTEN TO YOU.

In 63 years - and for all my life - you have never JUDGED me. Help me to stay watchful and silent when something in me wants to punish another.

BEFORE I RUSH, MAY I REST WITH YOU.

Let me consciously feel the rush of thoughts, of tension, of worry...and not be blindly pushed by them. Rather, let me be reminded to WAKE UP and remember that there is an "Eye" in all storms: a still part that is not the storm. Rest there. Let me settle into the disturbance and see something new. 

BEFORE I SHOUT, MAY I CALL ON YOU.

My actions will always speak louder than my words. Help me be an expression of patience; of kindness; of honesty...especially in those moments when everything in me is screaming that I have the right to be otherwise.

BEFORE I DOUBT, MAY I HEAR FROM YOU.

Help me take "the one step" that I'm sure I can't. We both know what those steps are and when I must take them. Remind me to listen - not to the voice that says "You can't", "Don't try", "Give up - what's the use!" - but for your voice which simply whispers, "I am Here". 

BEFORE I BRAG, MAY I POINT TO YOU.

Remind me to never settle into the comfort of my own certainty, especially about who I think I am or am not. In the end, life will always reveal the truth about myself: both that which is noble and bright, and that which is small and selfish. 

BEFORE I FEAR, MAY I TRUST IN YOU.

If I can just remember that I'm not meant to be the "Captain of my Life" - and that there is nothing about Life that is meant to be "fixed" - then what is there to ever fear? All storms pass. All that is good and beautiful is meant to be appreciated, and then let go of. That's life. 

BEFORE I ACT, MAY I REMEMBER YOU.

There is no Life outside of NOW. Help me remember this, so that in the words of the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, every moment becomes priceless. It's possible to "Breathe Legendary Breaths" and "Live Legendary Moments". But only if I'm here. Now. 

SO THAT IN THESE THINGS, IN ALL I DO, 

IT IS NOT ME THAT IS FIRST, BUT ALWAYS YOU.

I can't think of a better prayer...a better Pearl to record...and a more valuable life long Work for myself than to try to practice these things...first.