Just Don't Quit - A Lesson in Golf and Life

 "Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." (Newt Gingrich)

About a week ago, I wrote an entry on how I had become "a golfer":  "...a full-blown, all-in, can't get enough of it, deeply addicted, aficionado and practitioner of this holy sport." (as I so sagely put it then)

Me at the Practice range at Bandon Dunes OR - September 2021

But there is a stony Truth that all those who dare call themselves "golfers" ultimately face. Golf is a really hard game to play well - and it is impossible to master. I mean, just consider the fundamental assumption of the activity: 

Take one human being (whose physical, mental, and emotional resources vary daily). Give him 14 different sized and shaped clubs and a small ball, 1.680 inches in diameter. Place him hundreds of yards away from his target. Throw every kind of geographic and geologic obstacles (sand, water, dips and mounds, trees and thorny grasses) in between him and that target. Add in the pressure of competition and a dash of self esteem. And tell him the goal of the game is to get his ball there in the FEWEST number of strikes. 

A sane person might say that's a guaranteed recipe for frustration and disappointment. And they'd be right. Every golfer will face a moment (actually many of them) when he/she will want to quit. Give up. Stop suffering over this impossibly sufferable game.

Though I've only been playing a short time (about 6 years), I've felt that impulse a few more times than I'd care to admit. Ironically, it's come up even stronger as my skill level has improved. Something in me believes that it's finally "mastered" a certain shot; that "I finally feel it"; that I now understand how to hit the ball where I want it to go. And so now I'm a "winning golfer".

But then disappointment appears and delivers an ugly reminder. My partner and I lose our weekly match for the 5th time in a row. Drives that I hit straight in practice all week are suddenly flying left and right. Putts become stubborn donkeys that refuse to go where they are directed.

And a heaviness creeps into me. My head starts to hang and my world becomes small. Just me and the punishing thoughts. "This is too hard". "You'll never get it". "I hate losing". "Phone it in. Just quit."

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

I can vividly remember a moment when this was happening a few months ago during our weekly match. We were losing (again). I couldn't hit a straight drive to save myself, so I began half-heartedly using my 3 wood instead. Cut my losses, I thought. Quit. Just stop embarrassing myself. Of course, even though this was what I was feeling, I tried to put on "the brave face" - and act like nothing was bothering me. Still a "cool customer" on the course.

Luckily, a good friend I was playing with knew the truth. He could sense my negative energy and felt the interior sagging of a "quitter" start to come over me. And he did something that I've never forgotten.

He quietly walked up to me on the 12th tee - stood just inches from me - and quietly, but firmly said to me: "I'm not your golf coach. But I have just one thing to say to you. Just don't quit. Don't let fear tell you what you can and cannot do. Step up to the ball and swing, and don't care where it goes. That's the only way you'll learn what you need to learn."

Just don't quit. In those three words lies a valuable lesson, both on and off the golf course. 

Unwanted moments - ones in which we feel disappointed, or betrayed, or believe we have gone as far as we can go and it's impossible to go further - feel like they are the "end of the road". In these moments, Life seems like it is denying me. "Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Try to Be a Better Golfer. This is the Last Stop. Get Off."

But Life is not presenting an obstacle or a judgment. Instead, Life is offering me a BRIDGE and asking, "Will you go as far as you can...and then try to take just one more step further?" And if I'm willing to do that, I will discover something that I couldn't discover any other way.

There is another world of possibilities beyond what my mind tells me exists. I can do more than what I believe. But this can only be discovered if I STAY in the MIDST of the struggle. Just don't quit. Don't walk away from the bridge that can deliver me to the lesson I need. The nature that "knows" that golf (or Life) is "impossible" has no interest in being or learning anything new about itself. 

And that nature doesn't have to be my leader. Or my teacher. Or my playing partner.

I can't stop the feelings of frustration and negativity from coming the next time I slice or shank a ball. But I can make a different choice. I can let them pass. I can work to remember to lift my head and to take a deep breath. I can can do my best to learn what I can from what I'm feeling. And then I can start over. Drop the punishing thoughts and begin again. Take the step that something in me believes it can't.

"It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." (Babe Ruth)

I'm sure there will be times when I'll need to remember all of this wisdom. That's why I wrote it for myself. Life is never static. Its possibilities are endless, as are mine. There is no "bridge too far" for the golfer who's willing to meet his limitations... and then take just one more step.

Just Don't Quit. A powerful Pearl right there. 

One Can Always Dream!