Having Fun With A Strange Game

 "Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun." (Jim Bishop)

Another entry in the category called "Meant to Do this Awhile Ago". Feels good to finally getting around to clearing out that dusty corner a bit...

Hi. My name is Jon. I'm a golfer.

Four years ago I wrote about how I was taking up this "new hobby". Well, it's no longer a "hobby"- "An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure." - as I casually noted in that blog entry. 

A near ace for me at my favorite course. Dutcher Creek. #4 Par 3, 142 yds.

Well, it's now official. I'm a full-blown, all-in, can't get enough of it, deeply addicted, aficionado and practitioner of this holy sport. Though not fully "ordained" yet into the Priesthood of Par, I'm well on my way to being a fully committed Seminarian of Swing.  A Deacon of the Links. Yes, A real golfer. 

One sign of how my commitment to the game has gone well past the "hobby" stage is just how much of the strange vocabulary/lingo of golf I now understand! Like all "deeply serious" vocations, there is an arcane, semi-secret jargon used by its adherents, that they all can converse freely in - yet leaves outsiders completely baffled!

So since I love playing around with words - and I love golf - let me take you on a linguistic tour! Here we go! (golf terms in bold).

I haven't had an Ace yet, but I've enjoyed a pair of Eagles and a bundle of Birdies. The Bogey-man still makes unwanted visits, and Double-Bogies are not "twice as fun". Fortunately, Frosty the Snowman hasn't visited me in a few years. 

“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.” (Winston Churchill)

I've hit all kinds of shots on the golf course (not always deliberately!). It's amazing how many different terms there are for golf shots (probably because it's so dang difficult to simply hit the ball straight!). Fades and Draws are good. Hooks and Slices are not. There are flop shots and stingers and bump & runs. You can hit it Fat or hit it Thin: neither is good. Nor is a Shank or a Worm-Burner. or when you "Skull" it.

When you hit something not so good, you may try to help the errant shot by yelling things at it like, "Bite!" or "Cut!" or "Sit!" or "Come back!" or "Get Lucky!". But from my experience, golf balls don't listen very well. Alas as some might say, "It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do"!

Sometimes if your playing partners are feeling generous, they'll let you hit a Mulligan or a Breakfast Ball. But don't count on it. Usually the best thing they can do for you is just pat you on the back and offer you some Birdie Juice. They may be your buddies, but they aren't your Looper. 

If you're playing and competing with your buddies, there are certain phrases you'd rather not hear such as: "Still got work to do there, Jonny", or "Left a lot of meat on that bone, Jon-Boy", or "Try hitting that with your purse, Alice", or "She's Gone".  And the worst might be the three simple words, "You're still away". 

But then there are the good holes when everything is clicking! When you take out The Big Dog and take a mighty swing and the boys say, "That dog can hunt!", and when the game is easy and you're Throwing Darts and Dancing, and then Getting Up and Down, and Sticking it in the Jar. 

And that's what keeps bringing us golfers back. Back to the links. One more time. It doesn't take much if you come to love the game, as one of my hats says. Just one shot. 

So until next time, see you on the links. Or on "the rails" as my wife calls. And don't ever forget the last thing she always says to me as I walk out the door to head to the course: "Have fun, and just "Hit the ball, Willie!".  Two real Pearls to carry with me as I keep playing this game...as is this:

“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan