Something New to Work At (and Love): Me and Golf

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." ~ Bob Hope

Five years ago when I retired from full-time teaching, my sweet wife said to me, "You need to get a hobby. If you don't, you're going to drive me crazy being around all the time. I can't be your "hobby". And as Deborah said this to me - in the most loving manner - I knew two things were absolutely true:

• I did not want to drive my beautiful wife crazy (because I know she really loves me!), so I knew she was right... But...
• I also had absolutely no idea what I might do as a "hobby".

I was so perplexed, I had to look up the definition of "hobby":"An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure." Hmmm....well...when I was single, I used to ride my bike a lot and travel in my leisure time. We still travel regularly, so I'm doing that. Grants Pass (where I live) isn't as safe a place to ride bikes around (crazy drivers!), so I've cut back on that. I read a little...but that didn't sound like anything new. I was stumped. What did I do in those hours that I wasn't working or at the Foundation?

Deborah was right. She had become my "hobby". In my leisure time, we were almost always together: at home hanging out or working out; or going out on the town, or shopping, or even doing chores. I knew it would be healthy for me to find something new to spend time doing. But what??

Deborah said, "Why don't you play golf? Isn't that what retired guys do? You can play with some of the men from the Foundation. They play all the time". When she first said that, I balked like a grumpy mule. "I'm not interested in golf. Don't want to", I neighed. She'd ask me why, and I usually replied - being the highly skilled male communicator that I am - with the mature, thoughtful response of "Because I don't want to". So what was behind this resistance?

I had golfed a little - mostly back in my coaching days.Many of my friends were avid golfers and I would usually join them for a round once a year.  One of them even sold me 25 years ago the antiquated clubs I had, hoping it would encourage me to play more often. But I never took a lesson; just kind of tried to teach myself the best I knew how. So subsequently, I wasn't very good (though my buddies often said I had "potential" because of my athleticism). 

I think the biggest reason I didn't like to golf was because it never seemed to me that golfers had any fun! Some of the guys I played with were often loud and obnoxious - and they took the game very "seriously" - cursing and muttering after any shot that displeased them. One "friend" (now more of a "distant acquaintance") - after rattling two long drives off nearby houses on a hole - slung his offending driver into the nearest pond. He then finished the hole in memorable fashion by missing 3 putts, and then snapping his putter over his knee and impaling the two pieces into the green as he stormed off. Yeah. Real fun. But Deborah - and Life - gently persisted.  And I'm glad they did.

Two years ago, my friend Doug approached me and said he'd be willing to give me some free lessons if I wanted to learn how to play. Doug was being kind, but I also knew he had an ulterior motive. He was putting on a small golf tournament as a fundraiser for the Foundation that summer and he wanted me to get involved and help him. So I took him up on his offer. The biggest initial reason I agreed was because I knew it was a good thing for me to CHALLENGE myself. I think the older we get, the less and less we seek out challenges: New things to learn, new activities that push us beyond what we think we can do already. But would golf become something I "enjoyed doing"? That remained to be seen.

Doug gave me lessons for a couple of weeks, and over the course of the next couple of months, began to invite me to come play with him. He was always very encouraging, plus he was an excellent teacher. He had been playing golf for over 50 years so he was talented as a player, but also as an instructor. His ability to give me simple techniques and drills helped my skills begin to grow for the first time. But what really changed my interest in the game was how Doug began teaching me that golf was a perfect "laboratory" for the inner life principles that we learn at the Foundation. 

He described this as "Letting Go Golf": a new approach to the game where instead of playing - filled with stress, fear, and frustration - only worried about our scores and how good or bad we played - we worked to use each swing, each moment as a chance to observe ourselves. A key phrase we used to remind ourselves to do this was "Begin Again": After each shot, take in any useful impressions we might have of it, then take a deep breath and start over. If an "inner judge" was criticizing what had just happened, we worked to catch it and let it go. 

“One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.” -Peter Jacobsen

"Begin Again" helped spark in me a new love for golf. Deborah's dad and a friend gave me some nicer clubs to play with. I now play or practice every week. Deborah bought me all sorts of nice golf clothes and gear so I'm now a real "Joe Golfer"! Deborah has even started to learn to play too, so now we have something new that we share. 

I'm glad I was open to learning something new and accepting a new "challenge". I look forward to writing more about the lessons "Letting Go Golf" has been teaching me. So many new Pearls learned from something that's becoming more than just a "hobby".

“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan

And I'm glad I get to share it and walk down a fairway or two, smelling the roses, with a pretty amazing partner!