The Gifts of the Time I've Been Given

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring)

One can never be sure of what it is that will stir them: snap them alert from a long slumber; stir the heart and soul to reach out and go searching for something, that a moment before, they didn't even know they were longing for. Such is the case for me this gray, wet Sunday afternoon. 

Outside the rain is pelting the roof, then slipping off the eaves like millions of silvery daredevils parachuting to the ground in a race to join all the rest of their siblings flooding down the street. Yet, amongst all of this liquid clamor and commotion, something in me sits here quietly alert. It has been stirred and is listening. Listening for a thought that it knows is inside of me that wants to be expressed. Funny how that ember, so carelessly tended to over the last year, has stayed alive. I am grateful for that.

I was stirred this morning by the quote I wrote above from one of my favorite books as a young boy. I saw the quote in a newspaper article I had been reading over brunch with Deborah. I won't say more about the specific article - though it's message was positive and the author's intention was clear. That isn't what inspired me. What inspired me was his use of the quote from Gandalf to Frodo because it helped me see some truly remarkable things about a year that has seemed quite often to be anything but remarkable. 

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." (Gandalf)

There is no doubt that 2020 has been a challenging year for us all. We all have experienced the abrupt shocks of it and the varying degrees of darkness and despair that have echoed through the events of it. The feelings of loss; of disappointment; of frustration and even anger. No need to recite them all in an end of the year litany of "What was" and "What I hope the future will bring". Nothing inspiring, uplifting, or true about that. But Gandalf's message to Frodo sparked in me a remembrance of something definitely valuable: a true Pearl.

Happiness - indeed ALL of Life - is about the choices one makes and where one chooses to look. As a teacher I respect greatly has said many times, "As goes our attention, so comes our experience." (Guy Finley). Even in a year filled with pandemic, lockdowns, riots, and political conflict, there has been much that I can see I've been given. And I couldn't have received any of these in any other way or in any other time. 

And so I wanted to share what some of those "Gifts of the Time I've Been Given" have been for me. Some are small - so easily overlooked - though enjoyed frequently. Others have been quietly bestowed only now and then. All have been appreciated.

• This year Deborah and I have gotten into the habit of taking daily walks together. We've always worked out together at the club, taken yoga classes, etc. But there has been something truly special about the simple pleasure of walking together outside around our neighborhood and community. We've walked in the heat of summer, and in the crisp chill of fall, and (like today) even sloshed through the rain and puddles of winter. We usually walk for two miles; sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes we chatter away as we stroll: about the news, about the homes we see and admire, or about our plans for the day. Other times we just quietly take in the beauty around us as we walk, always holding hands. These sojourns together have been good for both body and soul, and have brought us even closer together. 
• I have enjoyed some new relationships with friends and family. High school acquaintances who I hadn't said a word to in 45 years now have become good friends as we rediscovered each other through social media (one of the rare things I will thank Facebook for this year). Nice to have kindred spirits to share joys and challenges with.
• I've also grown to enjoy my new role as "Grandpa". The travel limitations of 2020 have opened up many opportunities for me to spend time learning to enjoy the boundless energy of our grandkids. Every time I've pushed them on the swing - "Higher, Grandpa!" - or chased them around the yard - or jumped with them on a trampoline - I'm given the purest gift of joy I could've ever imagined. 
• Since I've had no chance to work in the schools (as I always have for 38+ years of my life), I've had the time to do other things, like volunteer at a local golf club, or work outside often in our yard. And in so doing, every week I've been reminded of the simple satisfaction and sanctity of physical work and being outdoors. 
• And at the same time, I've also developed an even deeper appreciation of the vocation of education that I and so many of my friends have given our lives too. I've witnessed (though from afar) the struggles the teachers I know have endured this year, while working to do the near impossible: teach from a distance and still touch their students as best they can. Somehow, they soldier on positively, giving their very best. “It is good people who make good places.” (Anna Sewell).  I look forward to the time when I can join these good people again. 

So I say "Thank you" to 2020 for these gifts and others not yet recognized. They all have been priceless and worth spending time remembering. 

“The Road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can” (Bilbo Baggins)

Let the journey continue. I have a good partner to travel with. 

"Letting Go" Golf - Lesson #1

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears. ” -Bobby Jones

About a year and a half ago, I wrote my 1st entry about golf and me. I'd said that I was looking for a "hobby" after I retired, and with the help of a friend (and the encouragement of Deborah), I took up golf. Started learning to enjoy it. Began playing and practicing more frequently. 

In that entry, I also mentioned an idea that my friend, Doug Norby, called "Letting Go Golf". It is essentially working to develop a new mindset while playing: one not so much focused on technique and results (and thus constant frustration), but focused on self-observation and learning to let go of the interior thoughts and feelings that masquerade as "helpful", but are only painful limitations to one's game. 

So, I wanted to share here some principles that are at the core of "Letting Go Golf". Guy Finley, our mutual friend and teacher, shared them with the two of us. I wanted to record them here so that I would better remember them. They're really great to work with!

"Ten Insights Along the Way to Swinging Fearlessly" (Guy Finley)

1.  Swinging fearlessly begins with a feeling of fearlessness.

2.  Talking to yourself seems to relieve tension, but in truth, it does just the opposite; self-talk is produced by a level of self seeking to escape fear. Every word it utters strengthens the false belief that there's something in your swing to be feared. Don't be a "dead man talking".

3.  Identifying with any form of physical, mental, or emotional tension over the outcome of a swing seems to provide a form of protection; but getting tighter and tighter doesn't hold you together. It tears you apart from the inside-out, because what's squeezing the swing out of you is your own fearful thoughts and feelings.

4.  Reliving any bad shot is the sure way to repeat it.

5.  Never fight against a wrong feeling; rather always be for the right feeling. Find the right feeling - then swing it freely.

6.  Attention is your anchor to the present moment. Lose it, and you will drift off course.

7.  What the other player is doing during your round is only your concern if you want him to win.

8.  It is impossible to resist the outcome of a swing, and learn something about your swing at the same time.

9.  Any form of tension in the body is the painful result of a prolonged negative reaction.

10. As is true in life, so it is in golf. Quitters never prosper.

Each of these insights are so true, not only on the golf course, but for life in general too. Looking forward to my next chance to use these!

This close to my 1st ace - Dutcher Creek #17 (Par 3) - 142 yds. - April 23 2019

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him. – P.G. Wodehouse

Walking Away From Discouragement

"Pain can make you give up completely, or pain can make you start over again. It's totally up to you." ~ James Jones

There is a voice inside of me; inside all of us. A voice that sounds like me, so I listen.

A voice that speaks to me only in the times I think I need it's company the most: In the dark times. In the hard times. In the empty times.

And the voice speaks as if it is a friend - come to comfort me. It speaks as if it is an ally - come to rescue me. It speaks as if it is an authority - a clear-eyed judge of all - past, present, and future.

It is the voice of discouragement.

When I've fallen, it whispers: "You can't get up. Stay there. Take comfort in your sorrow."

When all I see in front of me is a mountain - steep and silent, rocky and dark - it advises me:  "The climb is too hard. It will hurt. Don't even try."

And when Life reveals a painful truth, or a moment crumbles around me, this voice sentences me: "You've failed. This is the end. Give up and run."

I've heard that voice in my life, and it's come calling recently. But I've learned something new about it this time.

Discouragement is a liar. It is a fake; a con artist that relies on me staying deaf, dumb, and blind to it. It pretends to act in my "best interests". It presents itself as all-knowing and powerful. I now see that nothing could be further from the truth.

It only takes one simple action to unmask this liar; this fake; this impostor.

Get up. Take that first step. Stand when something tells me to flee. Lift my head and my heart.

Remember that there is an infinite world of possibilities in every moment, even the dark ones. Why? Because Life is there in each moment. That which has created me is there.

Love never leaves. The Divine never deserts or judges. What is right and True doesn't disappear when a storm blows in.

I will remember this. I will use this. I can't think of a greater Pearl to be given me.

These thoughts came to me as I finished a steep walk this morning, and were inspired by a passage I had just read in Guy Finley's latest book, "Relationship Magic". Here's a paraphrase of what I read:

"...Even the smallest step you take in this upward direction (toward higher Love) is the same as walking away from (discouragement's) influence over you...So, take that step, no matter how small, shaky, or uncertain. Take it. Let love prove to you that whatever it asks of you - no matter how impossible it may seem at the moment - it will provide you in your time of need." (Finley, 270)

Thank you Guy; Thank you Love...for teaching me this.

Precious Pearls - Quotes That Have Inspired Me (#5)

Life...once again...took me away from these pages. New jobs...old habits...Responsibilities, new and old...time spent trying to figure out my golf swing, rather than contemplating higher things. The death of my father this summer and days of endless smoke from forest fires all around us also dimmed my writing spirit. Yet here I am again. Grateful that the ember that draws me back here - even after months of neglect - never dies. There can only be one thing that never quits fanning the flame; gently blowing on my heart - "Write. Explore what's inside you". It must be Love.

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I shared this Emerson quote recently and this beautiful photo I found. They seemed a perfect fit, for many reasons. 

Fall seems to me the best time to remember the "independence of solitude". All around me I can see Nature in all of its forms - tall and tiny - letting go, freeing itself of all that had accumulated. Maples, aspens, and oaks all celebrate their new independence with explosions of color, freely given to the winds to strew wherever they wish. There is no sadness in their sacrifice. In fact, I would argue the trees are as beautiful as they ever will be, even as parts of them are dying. What a reminder of the power of Love. It transforms all through it's willingness to give all. And therein lies real Freedom.

The photo and quote also remind me of the need we all have for solitude as well. I can imagine myself walking down that quiet lane between the trees: Just the soft swishing of the leaves as my feet sauntered through them. The fog gently muffling the world in cottony, cool, wispy walls. My steps would be slow and measured, because I would want to drink in all of the beauty of a world at peace with itself around me. My mind would naturally quiet. Though alone, I would feel in relationship to every single living thing around me. Nothing demanded of me, yet everything given. But only if I was willing to be alone for a few moments.

Recently Deborah shared this photo and quote with me.

"Truth has a way of simplifying everything. All that isn't love begins to drift away, just like the leaves drifting to ground in fall. Beautiful really." (Deborah DeMattia)

So nice to know that my wife, my best friend, my love, shares the same sense of appreciation for the beauty of fall and knows of the sweetness and freedom found in solitude. Lucky me. Lucky us. 

Precious Pearls - Quotes That Have Inspired Me (#4)

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." (Mother Teresa)

I'm sitting in another teacher's classroom, and there behind me on the wall, was a poster with this beautiful quote from Mother Teresa. I've seen it many times - a source of inspiration on many classroom walls, Facebook pages, Pinterest collections, and Instagram accounts. Its message is one whose goodness and Truth seems universal.

Persist in choosing something Higher, even when everyone and everything around you may be telling you to do the opposite. 

Persist in choosing that which is noble, and compassionate, and Light, even when all seems dark and mean around you.

Persist in forgiving...in choosing hope...in sacrificing for the sake of Love, even when doing so would seem futile or naive.

Because in the end, it isn't about what you will get in return. It isn't about what you achieved. It isn't about what is fair and just. It isn't about "You" at all. The purpose of our lives is fulfilled only when we realize the gift we've been given to be a vessel: an expression of something Divine; of Love.

I can do this in small, individual ways every day. In fact, as I've gotten older, I've grown to realize that it's in those small, seemingly insignificant moments, that small acts of kindness, of quiet sacrifice, of honesty are valued the most. As I read the quote once again, I want to recognize these moments more often, and then remember to act in them. 

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” (C. S. Lewis)

That wish reminded me of the above quote, and the true cost of such a action. It will always come at a time and place that won't be "easy". Doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason rarely is. But it's the only thing I know that rewards both the giver and the receiver. A Divine "deal" that will never disappoint.

Definitely a Precious Pearl to keep in my pocket.

PS:  As I wrote this, I discovered that Mother Teresa never actually said this. The original author of these statements was a Harvard student named Keith M. Keith, who published the original collection of these sayings in a pamphlet titled  “The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council”. Interesting, but makes no matter to me. These principles belonged to neither the saint or the student. They came from a Higher author.

Caught In the Crossfire - The Time for Change is Now

“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened." (Billy Graham)

How can we be in this same dark place once again? 

It was 19 years ago that I can remember feeling the chilling mix of fear, anger, and frustration as I and other fellow teachers at South Medford High watched the horrifying scenes playing out on our televisions from Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. 13 murdered, 21 wounded on that April morning.  "Oh my God.  A once in a lifetime tragedy", I whispered to myself back then. Something must change.

I was wrong. 13 years later, on a cold December morning, 26 innocents were killed, 2 wounded at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut. Three years after that, 9 lives brutally taken, 9 wounded at a community college just an hour's drive from where I live here in southern Oregon.

Then last week's numbing news. On a sunny Valentine's Day, 20 minutes from the end of the school day - and in just 7 searing minutes - 17 more students and teachers murdered, 14 wounded at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland, Florida. 

25 times since 1999 American teachers and students have gone to their schools - thinking it would be just another day - in a place they always thought was safe - and have had that belief and their lives cruelly shattered by a hateful person with a gun - "an active shooter" - entering a campus and killing the innocent people whose paths they crossed.

How can we be in this same dark place again? How can it be that nothing has changed? How can it be that all that seems ever offered by those who have the power to make change - our leaders, our politicians, the journalists and commentators, and "experts" who say they "stand with us" - is "thoughts and prayers" and unending arguments and self-righteous defenses of their positions? 

"The Left says this...and they're all wrong!  The Right says that...and they're all wrong!" And we stay frozen in an ugly symphony of anger in which those sounding the notes seem to show no real concern for the sadly growing list of victims: Our nation's teachers (of which I am still one, part-time) and the students they now must not only educate, but protect with their lives. 

I know the thoughts in my heart and mind these last few days are shared by many of my fellow educators and by our students. I've heard them voiced loudly and repeatedly recently and this gives me a small measure of hope that something might now change.

I am not the Left. I am not the Right.

I'm stuck in the Middle. Caught in the Cross Fire.

I'm tired of the pointless arguing. I'm tired of the inaction. I'm tired of the preaching and the political posing. I'm tired of the failure to budge one single inch - on either side - to make this kind of tragedy more preventable. I'm tired of the finger-pointing, the rhetoric, the willingness to portray those who don't agree as being "evil" or "un-American" or "naive" - all while the death toll continues to creep up, and the fact of regular "lockdown" drills and "active shooter" trainings has become a numbing reality for U.S. schools.

I'm saddened that 17 more innocent names and one more American city and school have been added to a tragic roll call: Columbine, Littleton, Thurston, Springfield, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Sandy Hook, Newtown, Umpqua Community, Roseburg, Stoneman Douglas, Parkland, and many more.

I'm angry that the rights of a few to own any guns that they want seems more important than the lives of innocents who will be victims of those same guns. I'm angry at those who cry that "Government must act. There must be stricter laws", yet at the same time vote to slash government and school budgets, thus crippling their abilities to protect our children and identify and deal with those who might harm them.

I'm stunned that some now think that the solution to this tragedy is to ask teachers, whose unwritten job description already requires them to act as educators, therapists, babysitters, nurses, judges, mediators, confidants, counselors, role models, mentors, and coaches - to now be armed and expected to act as the first line of defense at our schools.

I'm frustrated that if nothing changes - now - that all that's guaranteed is that there will be more dead students and teachers being honored as "heroes" and "saints" - when all they really wanted was to teach and to learn.

I don't know what the answer is. I know that it isn't simple. Those who say otherwise, aren't really interested in resolving this American crisis. They have dominated this discussion for 19 years and the results are clear. But there are other things becoming equally clearer to me as well.

We must learn to listen to each other. That may be the most challenging thing for us all to do right now, but nothing changes if we don't. We must agree on one simple thing. We can't accept this threat to our children and schools anymore.

We must stop separating ourselves into warring tribes on this issue.

We must all be willing to try SOMETHING new, and to be willing to GIVE UP something we've held on to. It's the only way that shared Trust can be rebuilt again.

Someone new must lead the discussion. Something new must be done.

A new kind of courage is required.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." (Ambrose Redmoon)

It appears for the moment that those who've been most directly affected - the children - are willing to lead this discussion. That's both awe-inspiring, but also sobering. Many that I've seen speaking in the last few days seem to have the courage that Mr. Redmoon spoke of. 

My prayer today is that the adults - those in power, both in our government and in our communities, will show the same kind of courage.

We are not Left. We are not Right. We must be United if we are to bring an end to this kind of sad, ugly stain on our nation's schools and soul.

Our children will not wait for us to act any longer. They cannot wait. 

Friends and Lovers Still - A Valentine's Message

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone — we find it with another." (Thomas Merton)

We've been together now for a baker's dozen worth of Valentine's Days. And after all of those celebrations of our shared love for each other...after all the presents, and cards, and poems and poesies...after all the dinners, and dates, and heartfelt declarations of love...after all the favorite songs played...the favorite memories recounted...You'd think we would start to run out of ways to say "I love you"..."I appreciate you". 

But we don't, and that's a miracle...a true blessing...worth remembering and one I'm truly grateful for. So I open my heart and my thoughts and let them once more try to express what magically seems to never stop growing: all the things I appreciate about you and why I love you as I do. 

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." (Rumi) 

A memorable sunset at Carmel State Beach - 2017

I love still discovering all that we have in common that we love. I would've never thought a quiet, stoic German/Finn and a spunky, spicy, outgoing blonde Italian would share so much in common but we do. Over the last few years I've grown to love:

• Our shared interest in things greater than ourselves: Politics, World affairs, the deepening spiritual work that we do; the silent sense of awe we feel when seeing a beautiful sunset or sitting quietly by a lake; the willingness we each have shown to forgive and to sacrifice for each other. Rumi was right. It's been in our shared love for what is Higher that each of us has found the love of our lives.

"Love is friendship that has caught fire." (Ann Landers)

Riding horses at Bandon Beach 

I love how you are my best friend: the person who can talk me into any new adventure; the one who makes me laugh the longest and loudest; the one makes me feel brave, and strong, and special...and most importantly, makes me want to be the best "Me" that I can be. You have done that for me ever since I met you, and continue to do so.

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." (Charles Schulz)

A quiet Sunday evening at Irvine & Roberts winery

Yes...a little chocolate is nice. Especially when paired with a little wine, a firepit...and you. I love how we have a good time together, no matter where we go. I can't wait for our next getaway. I'm so grateful that we both enjoy reconnecting, talking to each other, and just being together. May that never change as the years go by.

"If you find someone you love in your life, then hang on to that love." (Princess Diana of Wales)

Another beautiful sunset at Carmel - our favorite getaway

There is more that I could say. I know in my heart that the blessings I've enjoyed from my relationship with you are as endless and new as the ocean we love to visit. But I want to stop here and just smile. Deborah: You are always in my heart, even when we're apart like now, as I sit in front of a computer and tap away at this. 

I love the smiles on both of our faces - A bike ride along the Deschutes River

I intend to hang on to you for a long time. Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetie. I love you dearly. Your Love...our Life together...is my most precious Pearl.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." (Judy Garland)