Precious Pearls - Quotes That Have Inspired Me (#6)

Our teacher, Guy Finley, challenged us last night to do a simple exercise each morning. Find a quote, something that touches us, and spend time exploring it. He said, "Something greater always sits behind - sits within - all wisdom...in all that is beautiful. So, there is no end to what you can discover. Go explore."

And so I'm moved to return here to do just that. Here is the Pearl I'll ponder this morning.

"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I am looking down." (Sara June Parker)

We have had another beautiful fall here in southern Oregon. Deborah and I have walked through cathedrals of trees, divinely aglow in their red and yellow vestments. We've sat captivated, watching troupes of leaves dancing and spinning joyfully as the breezes sent them flying.

And I've watched sunrises out my office window as I've sipped my coffee...and sunsets as we've sat on our front deck enjoying the end of the day that rival the masterpieces of Monet and Rembrandt. Truly stunning compositions of light and shade and wonder. Witnesses to God's easel and to his brushstrokes.

Ms. Parker's quote reminds me of the one absolute prerequisite for me to enjoy any of these wonders. It is to stop and to look up. To get out of my head and the world of thought. To lift myself out of the well-worn ruts of "habit", "what I gotta do", and "comfort", and work a little bit to feel something...and to be open.

To feel and to be open sound like such inviting things, yet there's something inside of me that shies away from doing so. Something that prefers the smaller world of "the known" where it sits on its throne regally declaring, "Been there. Seen that. Love that. Don't like that." And then sits back surveying what it believes is a vast kingdom that it reigns over.

But that nature is in truth a sad, little coward. An "Emperor without Clothes", tricked into believing that Life has limits and that these limits should never be disturbed.

It takes effort to break free from the inner empire of inertia. Don't I know it. I have experienced it 100's of times in these very pages. But the effort is ALWAYS rewarded. Always. And the rewards are always greater than anything I could've even imagined back in the world of "Don't Try".

Glad to take a first step this morning in a new direction. Let's see what there is to see.

Some simple beauty...one leaf...quietly waiting in the morning rain for me to discover...Ahh. Glad I looked up.

A Wondrous Journey (Ch. 5): "Take Me Away, Jonathan!" - Love At the Beach

 "If there's Heaven for me, I'm sure it has a beach attached to it." (Jimmy Buffett)

How do you know when you've found your soulmate? Well, I think one answer is when you discover that the two of you share a love for something beautiful and bigger than either of you; a love that you perhaps can't even describe. Such is the case for Deborah and I. 

We both share a love of being at the beach, though our experiences of it prior to meeting couldn't have been more different! Deborah was raised in southern California so she grew up with the warm beaches of Malibu and Zuma right in her backyard. Because of this, she loves to splash in the surf and has spent countless hours basking in the sunny sands there. I, on the other hand, grew up in northern Oregon. Trips to the beach were a once year highlight in the summer; partly because of the daunting challenge my parents faced of packing up 8 kids in a VW van to drive two hours for a "day at the beach", and partly because the beaches of the Oregon coast are beautiful, but the waters are chilly. Yet, despite this, I grew to love the beach and would frequently choose to go to the coast whenever I wanted to treat myself to a holiday.

So, it isn't a surprise that some of my best memories of my courtship of Deborah come from the 1st trips to the Oregon coast we made together 15 years ago. Here are some of my memories from our "coastal courtship" that first summer together. They are some of the most precious ones we still talk about today. 

February 2005: "Welcome to Bandon"

I boldly invited Deborah to come away with me on a 3 day weekend for an overnight stay in Bandon, Oregon. I had visited here many times as a bachelor, but now was determined to "wow" Deborah (if she'd agree to come - which she eagerly did!). Excitedly, I booked us into a very classy place, "The Lighthouse B & B" (usually I stayed by myself in "cheaper accomodations"). Located directly at the entrance into Bandon harbor, across from the Coquille River lighthouse - our getaway was gorgeous. And we had the entire house to ourselves! What a treat! 

• We sat each night by the glow of a wood fire and talked and talked. In the morning, we woke and drank our coffee gazing out at the quiet waters as the sun rose.
• I took Deborah to see Face Rock for the 1st time and will never forget the tears of joy and gratitude that streamed down her face as she looked at this local landmark. "Thank you for bringing me here. I've loved it!", she said. 
• We took our 1st pictures together here. "The Lump on the Log", "Deby Loves Jon".

April 2005:  "Birthday in Brookings"

We went to Brookings to celebrate my birthday and stayed at the Whaleshead Cove Resort. It was an eventful weekend. It was here that we agreed that I would move in with her and leave my bachelor apartment in Medford where I had been for 13 years. And there were other special memories:

• Having the world's oldest lounge singer (80+) serenade me (something I had told Deborah NOT to ask him to do - naturally she "disobeyed"), and lead all 8 of the other diners in singing "Happy Birthday" to me.
• How hard Deborah cried one night because being in Brookings brought back painful memories of past trips here with her ex-husband Jack and their failed marriage. All I could do was hold her and comfort her as she sobbed. 
• My role of "Dependable Sherpa" was born! We walked on the beach one day. My hands were filled with bags and baskets and I was also gingerly holding Deborah's hand, leading her through dry spots on the beach - while wading through ankle deep water myself. I would do anything for my Princess that day. And still do. 

Summer 2005:    "Lighthouses, Gardens, and other Treasures Discovered"

We took several more trips to the coast that summer: to Yachats; Bandon again; back to Brookings. So many memories...it's hard to recount them all

• We stayed at new places that have since become favorites of ours: the Windermere cottages in Bandon; the Overleaf Lodge in Yachats; the "By the Sea" B & B in Brookings (alas now gone)
• We saw 7 of Oregon's 8 lighthouses (a feat more "impressive" to me than Deborah(
• I took Deborah to Shore Acres Gardens and to Simpson Reef there for the 1st time, and she was awed by its rugged beauty! "Jonathan! Why didn't you tell me this place was so gorgeous!"
• Deborah worrying about me catching cold on a beach walk (and sensing rightly that I was trying to "hide" the fact that I wasn't feeling well!) and telling me to "Get behind me! I'll be your windbreak and protect you!" (all 5 feet of her!)

Deborah gave me a ring when we returned to Brookings at the end of the summer: a beautiful silver Celtic knot design. I wore it until it was replaced by the wedding band I treasure today.  But what I treasure even more is what she wrote on a hand-made card with it:

"I love you...I believe in you...I trust in you...I'm proud of you...I care deeply for you...I am inspired by you...I am grounded in you...I am steadied by you...I have fun with you...You make me smile again!...You are in my soul...You are in my heart...I love you!!!"

As you can see, our shared love for the sea has only deepened the love that we had for each other. And this is still true to this day. Going to the Oregon coast will always be a "magical escape" for the two of us: one that never fails to fill our hearts and touch our souls...and bring us closer together.

"Jonathan, take me away!"..."Yes, my dear. Away to the beach, my love." 

“Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away.” – Sarah Kay

Remembering What's First

 Do you remember this scene from the 1990's movie "City Slickers"? Mitch (Billy Crystal) is suffering a mid-life crisis and decides to go out west with some buddies to find himself on a dude ranch, where they get the chance to lead a cattle drive. Mitch meets Curly, a grizzled old cowboy who, while they're on the cattle drive, shares the "secret of life" in this following exchange. Click below to watch it if you'd like.

https://youtu.be/PunAKEccqyU

Here's the exchange (if you don't want to watch it)

"The One Thing" ("City Slickers", 1991)

And that scene led me to reflect on something that my teacher Guy Finley had talked about - and that  I later gave a talk about in an online study group with other students a week ago. The key point was to REMEMBER THE RIGHT ORDER OF THINGS IN LIFE and to remember that I'm not the "Captain of my Life". There is a "Celestial Captain" (in Guy's words) that is already in charge, and that I'm meant to be in relationship with. 

At the end of his talk, Guy shared this beautiful prayer. It's posted on the wall in the main room at the Foundation. I remember reading it the first time I attended class here 15 years ago. It touched me deeply; so much so that I read it aloud as part of our wedding ceremony, also 15 years ago. 

In the talk that I recently gave, I reflected on what this prayer means to me now. I recognized it then, as I do today, as a beautiful reminder of the RIGHT ORDER - not just in my life with Deborah, or relationships with others - but with LIFE itself...with what is Divine...what is Higher...with what has GIVEN me Life.

So I wanted to share this beautiful prayer, and my reflections, as a way to strengthen in me the wish, and the intention to put into practice this "One Thing".  Here is that prayer and my reflections.

"ALWAYS YOU" (by Guy Finley)

BEFORE I DREAM, MAY I HOPE FOR YOU.

May I have the grace...the humility...to remember that this Moment has all I need in it. And thought, imagination, and worry just take me away from the gifts that are there for me.

BEFORE I LONG, MAY I REACH FOR YOU.

When I feel regret or frustrations, help me remember that YOU brought this moment to me. Help me remember the source of this Moment, and not RUN FROM IT. To stay in an uncomfortable moment - suffering it consciously - is to reach for what's Higher. 

BEFORE I JUDGE, MAY I LISTEN TO YOU.

In 63 years - and for all my life - you have never JUDGED me. Help me to stay watchful and silent when something in me wants to punish another.

BEFORE I RUSH, MAY I REST WITH YOU.

Let me consciously feel the rush of thoughts, of tension, of worry...and not be blindly pushed by them. Rather, let me be reminded to WAKE UP and remember that there is an "Eye" in all storms: a still part that is not the storm. Rest there. Let me settle into the disturbance and see something new. 

BEFORE I SHOUT, MAY I CALL ON YOU.

My actions will always speak louder than my words. Help me be an expression of patience; of kindness; of honesty...especially in those moments when everything in me is screaming that I have the right to be otherwise.

BEFORE I DOUBT, MAY I HEAR FROM YOU.

Help me take "the one step" that I'm sure I can't. We both know what those steps are and when I must take them. Remind me to listen - not to the voice that says "You can't", "Don't try", "Give up - what's the use!" - but for your voice which simply whispers, "I am Here". 

BEFORE I BRAG, MAY I POINT TO YOU.

Remind me to never settle into the comfort of my own certainty, especially about who I think I am or am not. In the end, life will always reveal the truth about myself: both that which is noble and bright, and that which is small and selfish. 

BEFORE I FEAR, MAY I TRUST IN YOU.

If I can just remember that I'm not meant to be the "Captain of my Life" - and that there is nothing about Life that is meant to be "fixed" - then what is there to ever fear? All storms pass. All that is good and beautiful is meant to be appreciated, and then let go of. That's life. 

BEFORE I ACT, MAY I REMEMBER YOU.

There is no Life outside of NOW. Help me remember this, so that in the words of the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, every moment becomes priceless. It's possible to "Breathe Legendary Breaths" and "Live Legendary Moments". But only if I'm here. Now. 

SO THAT IN THESE THINGS, IN ALL I DO, 

IT IS NOT ME THAT IS FIRST, BUT ALWAYS YOU.

I can't think of a better prayer...a better Pearl to record...and a more valuable life long Work for myself than to try to practice these things...first. 

 

The Gifts of the Time I've Been Given

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring)

One can never be sure of what it is that will stir them: snap them alert from a long slumber; stir the heart and soul to reach out and go searching for something, that a moment before, they didn't even know they were longing for. Such is the case for me this gray, wet Sunday afternoon. 

Outside the rain is pelting the roof, then slipping off the eaves like millions of silvery daredevils parachuting to the ground in a race to join all the rest of their siblings flooding down the street. Yet, amongst all of this liquid clamor and commotion, something in me sits here quietly alert. It has been stirred and is listening. Listening for a thought that it knows is inside of me that wants to be expressed. Funny how that ember, so carelessly tended to over the last year, has stayed alive. I am grateful for that.

I was stirred this morning by the quote I wrote above from one of my favorite books as a young boy. I saw the quote in a newspaper article I had been reading over brunch with Deborah. I won't say more about the specific article - though it's message was positive and the author's intention was clear. That isn't what inspired me. What inspired me was his use of the quote from Gandalf to Frodo because it helped me see some truly remarkable things about a year that has seemed quite often to be anything but remarkable. 

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." (Gandalf)

There is no doubt that 2020 has been a challenging year for us all. We all have experienced the abrupt shocks of it and the varying degrees of darkness and despair that have echoed through the events of it. The feelings of loss; of disappointment; of frustration and even anger. No need to recite them all in an end of the year litany of "What was" and "What I hope the future will bring". Nothing inspiring, uplifting, or true about that. But Gandalf's message to Frodo sparked in me a remembrance of something definitely valuable: a true Pearl.

Happiness - indeed ALL of Life - is about the choices one makes and where one chooses to look. As a teacher I respect greatly has said many times, "As goes our attention, so comes our experience." (Guy Finley). Even in a year filled with pandemic, lockdowns, riots, and political conflict, there has been much that I can see I've been given. And I couldn't have received any of these in any other way or in any other time. 

And so I wanted to share what some of those "Gifts of the Time I've Been Given" have been for me. Some are small - so easily overlooked - though enjoyed frequently. Others have been quietly bestowed only now and then. All have been appreciated.

• This year Deborah and I have gotten into the habit of taking daily walks together. We've always worked out together at the club, taken yoga classes, etc. But there has been something truly special about the simple pleasure of walking together outside around our neighborhood and community. We've walked in the heat of summer, and in the crisp chill of fall, and (like today) even sloshed through the rain and puddles of winter. We usually walk for two miles; sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes we chatter away as we stroll: about the news, about the homes we see and admire, or about our plans for the day. Other times we just quietly take in the beauty around us as we walk, always holding hands. These sojourns together have been good for both body and soul, and have brought us even closer together. 
• I have enjoyed some new relationships with friends and family. High school acquaintances who I hadn't said a word to in 45 years now have become good friends as we rediscovered each other through social media (one of the rare things I will thank Facebook for this year). Nice to have kindred spirits to share joys and challenges with.
• I've also grown to enjoy my new role as "Grandpa". The travel limitations of 2020 have opened up many opportunities for me to spend time learning to enjoy the boundless energy of our grandkids. Every time I've pushed them on the swing - "Higher, Grandpa!" - or chased them around the yard - or jumped with them on a trampoline - I'm given the purest gift of joy I could've ever imagined. 
• Since I've had no chance to work in the schools (as I always have for 38+ years of my life), I've had the time to do other things, like volunteer at a local golf club, or work outside often in our yard. And in so doing, every week I've been reminded of the simple satisfaction and sanctity of physical work and being outdoors. 
• And at the same time, I've also developed an even deeper appreciation of the vocation of education that I and so many of my friends have given our lives too. I've witnessed (though from afar) the struggles the teachers I know have endured this year, while working to do the near impossible: teach from a distance and still touch their students as best they can. Somehow, they soldier on positively, giving their very best. “It is good people who make good places.” (Anna Sewell).  I look forward to the time when I can join these good people again. 

So I say "Thank you" to 2020 for these gifts and others not yet recognized. They all have been priceless and worth spending time remembering. 

“The Road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can” (Bilbo Baggins)

Let the journey continue. I have a good partner to travel with. 

"Letting Go" Golf - Lesson #1

“Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears. ” -Bobby Jones

About a year and a half ago, I wrote my 1st entry about golf and me. I'd said that I was looking for a "hobby" after I retired, and with the help of a friend (and the encouragement of Deborah), I took up golf. Started learning to enjoy it. Began playing and practicing more frequently. 

In that entry, I also mentioned an idea that my friend, Doug Norby, called "Letting Go Golf". It is essentially working to develop a new mindset while playing: one not so much focused on technique and results (and thus constant frustration), but focused on self-observation and learning to let go of the interior thoughts and feelings that masquerade as "helpful", but are only painful limitations to one's game. 

So, I wanted to share here some principles that are at the core of "Letting Go Golf". Guy Finley, our mutual friend and teacher, shared them with the two of us. I wanted to record them here so that I would better remember them. They're really great to work with!

"Ten Insights Along the Way to Swinging Fearlessly" (Guy Finley)

1.  Swinging fearlessly begins with a feeling of fearlessness.

2.  Talking to yourself seems to relieve tension, but in truth, it does just the opposite; self-talk is produced by a level of self seeking to escape fear. Every word it utters strengthens the false belief that there's something in your swing to be feared. Don't be a "dead man talking".

3.  Identifying with any form of physical, mental, or emotional tension over the outcome of a swing seems to provide a form of protection; but getting tighter and tighter doesn't hold you together. It tears you apart from the inside-out, because what's squeezing the swing out of you is your own fearful thoughts and feelings.

4.  Reliving any bad shot is the sure way to repeat it.

5.  Never fight against a wrong feeling; rather always be for the right feeling. Find the right feeling - then swing it freely.

6.  Attention is your anchor to the present moment. Lose it, and you will drift off course.

7.  What the other player is doing during your round is only your concern if you want him to win.

8.  It is impossible to resist the outcome of a swing, and learn something about your swing at the same time.

9.  Any form of tension in the body is the painful result of a prolonged negative reaction.

10. As is true in life, so it is in golf. Quitters never prosper.

Each of these insights are so true, not only on the golf course, but for life in general too. Looking forward to my next chance to use these!

This close to my 1st ace - Dutcher Creek #17 (Par 3) - 142 yds. - April 23 2019

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him. – P.G. Wodehouse

Walking Away From Discouragement

"Pain can make you give up completely, or pain can make you start over again. It's totally up to you." ~ James Jones

There is a voice inside of me; inside all of us. A voice that sounds like me, so I listen.

A voice that speaks to me only in the times I think I need it's company the most: In the dark times. In the hard times. In the empty times.

And the voice speaks as if it is a friend - come to comfort me. It speaks as if it is an ally - come to rescue me. It speaks as if it is an authority - a clear-eyed judge of all - past, present, and future.

It is the voice of discouragement.

When I've fallen, it whispers: "You can't get up. Stay there. Take comfort in your sorrow."

When all I see in front of me is a mountain - steep and silent, rocky and dark - it advises me:  "The climb is too hard. It will hurt. Don't even try."

And when Life reveals a painful truth, or a moment crumbles around me, this voice sentences me: "You've failed. This is the end. Give up and run."

I've heard that voice in my life, and it's come calling recently. But I've learned something new about it this time.

Discouragement is a liar. It is a fake; a con artist that relies on me staying deaf, dumb, and blind to it. It pretends to act in my "best interests". It presents itself as all-knowing and powerful. I now see that nothing could be further from the truth.

It only takes one simple action to unmask this liar; this fake; this impostor.

Get up. Take that first step. Stand when something tells me to flee. Lift my head and my heart.

Remember that there is an infinite world of possibilities in every moment, even the dark ones. Why? Because Life is there in each moment. That which has created me is there.

Love never leaves. The Divine never deserts or judges. What is right and True doesn't disappear when a storm blows in.

I will remember this. I will use this. I can't think of a greater Pearl to be given me.

These thoughts came to me as I finished a steep walk this morning, and were inspired by a passage I had just read in Guy Finley's latest book, "Relationship Magic". Here's a paraphrase of what I read:

"...Even the smallest step you take in this upward direction (toward higher Love) is the same as walking away from (discouragement's) influence over you...So, take that step, no matter how small, shaky, or uncertain. Take it. Let love prove to you that whatever it asks of you - no matter how impossible it may seem at the moment - it will provide you in your time of need." (Finley, 270)

Thank you Guy; Thank you Love...for teaching me this.

Precious Pearls - Quotes That Have Inspired Me (#5)

Life...once again...took me away from these pages. New jobs...old habits...Responsibilities, new and old...time spent trying to figure out my golf swing, rather than contemplating higher things. The death of my father this summer and days of endless smoke from forest fires all around us also dimmed my writing spirit. Yet here I am again. Grateful that the ember that draws me back here - even after months of neglect - never dies. There can only be one thing that never quits fanning the flame; gently blowing on my heart - "Write. Explore what's inside you". It must be Love.

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I shared this Emerson quote recently and this beautiful photo I found. They seemed a perfect fit, for many reasons. 

Fall seems to me the best time to remember the "independence of solitude". All around me I can see Nature in all of its forms - tall and tiny - letting go, freeing itself of all that had accumulated. Maples, aspens, and oaks all celebrate their new independence with explosions of color, freely given to the winds to strew wherever they wish. There is no sadness in their sacrifice. In fact, I would argue the trees are as beautiful as they ever will be, even as parts of them are dying. What a reminder of the power of Love. It transforms all through it's willingness to give all. And therein lies real Freedom.

The photo and quote also remind me of the need we all have for solitude as well. I can imagine myself walking down that quiet lane between the trees: Just the soft swishing of the leaves as my feet sauntered through them. The fog gently muffling the world in cottony, cool, wispy walls. My steps would be slow and measured, because I would want to drink in all of the beauty of a world at peace with itself around me. My mind would naturally quiet. Though alone, I would feel in relationship to every single living thing around me. Nothing demanded of me, yet everything given. But only if I was willing to be alone for a few moments.

Recently Deborah shared this photo and quote with me.

"Truth has a way of simplifying everything. All that isn't love begins to drift away, just like the leaves drifting to ground in fall. Beautiful really." (Deborah DeMattia)

So nice to know that my wife, my best friend, my love, shares the same sense of appreciation for the beauty of fall and knows of the sweetness and freedom found in solitude. Lucky me. Lucky us.