This blog entry was inspired by an online talk I gave about a week ago. Longtime students of the Life of Learning Foundation are given the chance to give talks on selected topics that Guy Finley, the Director, has been speaking about - so Deborah and I have this opportunity about once a month. We speak to an online audience of about 70 students in a night - and these classes are always valuable in deepening what we learn. That was true for this talk. I was speaking on the topic of "Learn to Embrace Life's Most Difficult Moments', and what I learned was truly a Pearl to be treasured.
I want to begin tonight by sharing a memory with you. It comes from my last day at South Medford High School when I retired 9 years.
All we retirees were given a chance to say something to our colleagues: say a fond "Goodbye"; share some memories with our colleagues; and maybe even leave a parting "bit of wisdom". What I remember most from that afternoon was not what I said, but what an English/Special Ed teacher shared. Her name was Cyndy Selbe and this is what she said.
She began by asking, “What’s the difference between periods and commas?” (And we all groaned. Everyone hates grammar lessons!). But Cyndy pressed on.
“Periods, she said, bring an end to a sentence, idea. Indicate “FINISHED”, “DONE”.
“Commas, on the other hand, inject a PAUSE giving way to something new: a clarification, a chance to reinforce something, to add new information, a change in direction.”
“Try to remember to not put PERIODS on each of your students, especially the ones that bother you the most. Work to use COMMAS with them and what they do. Clarify. Reinforce. Encourage them. Remember that your students, like Life, are always growing and capable of change.
WHAT A POWERFUL STATEMENT AND MESSAGE.
It's power lies not only in the fact that I've seen the truth of it in my own experiences as a teacher and coach. But I can also see the Truth of it in my own relationship WITH Life.
So often, I can see that Jon is always trying to put a "Period" after the moments in his Life, especially the ones that disturb him. Here's just a handful of examples:
I’ll be happy when I finally hit the golf ball straight. Every time. Period.
I’m retired from working. Nothing should disturb me. Period.
I’m certain I know what I believe about the world, about you, about the news, about myself, etc. Anything that challenges this is either wrong or an idiot. Period.
In any moment, it's Jon's "job" to make sure everybody is happy. If they’re happy, I’m happy. Period.
Families should never have to face difficult or unpleasant moments. If they do, just "get through it" as quickly as possible. Period.
YOU GET THE PICTURE. JON’S LIFE: FILLED WITH PERIODS. THE ENDS.
How successful have I been at controlling Life? At avoiding painful, unwanted moments? At trying to reach a point where Jon is "done", "complete", finished"?
And I know the answer. I am no more “successful” at placing and keeping all those "periods" in place than Sisyphus was pushing that boulder up the hill for eternity.
I can see the truth in that. I like to think that I'm a pretty "mellow" guy, but my days are pockmarked with small flashes of RESISTANCE to what just happened.
When I hit one more "wormburner" on the golf course.
When my wife asks me to fix something on her Iphone or computer that I don’t know already how to do (and it's after 6 pm when "no one should be asked to do anything at all except veg out!")
When I watch the news and see one more bit of political news that lights my righteous fuse
Or in a quiet moment alone, and my mind begins contemplating some unwanted medical news, and wondering "What's next?"
In all of these cases, the response within me is quick and almost always negative. "This isn't right!". "How can I fix or avoid this?" "I shouldn't be disturbed." "Let me go back to the comfortable life owed me." PERIOD. DONE.
But these reactions are powerless to return me to "real life". In fact, they SEPARATE me from Real Life. They're based on a perception that Jon already "knows" how Life should go, and that anything that challenges that belief is a "threat". But that belief then begs a question:
When did Jon become the "Creator" of Life? And all it takes to come to the honest answer to that question is to look out the window and see all that exists in front of me.
I am not the Creator of Life. I'm meant to be part of the Creation of Life. And if I am, then I am subject to the laws of Life, of Nature, just as all of God's creatures are. Guy asked this simple question in his talk:
“Is there any moment of creation that is ever really “finished”?
All you have to do is look around and the answer is evident, especially in the fall.
Then how can the same not be true for me? And if this is true, then isn’t this evidence that that the Divine/God is present in EVERY MOMENT? Even in the most painful ones?
As I get older, the answer becomes clearer to me, bit by bit. God does not sprinkle PERIODS around as judgments or punishments in Life. He is constantly showering COMMAS, as invitations into a new, higher Life, if I'll simply look for them.
LIFE IS PUNCTUATED BY COMMAS, NOT PERIODS.
The purpose of Life - especially the most painful moments - is not meant to PUNISH me - but to PERFECT ME. To reveal the TRUTH about me.
I love the image of God as the Divine "Jeweler" and I'm his gemstone: a little "rough around the edges" and in need of some "polishing"; some "perfecting".
Difficult moments are the Divine’s “Wheel” - “polishing me” - Adding the “finishing touch” And I’m all in favor of a little “polishing”...aren’t you? But…
But Jon always wants the "polishing" to be done ("Just a little off the top, please"). Thus the PERIODS. But the Divine's "finishing touch" never ends. That is my blessing, and it is a timely one.
Recently I received some unwanted, unexpected news about my health. News more serious than I’ve ever received before. News that has led me to more doctor appointments and visits to medical facilities in the last 3 weeks than I've had in my life time.
And I'm grateful for the reminders that each of these moments - as unsettling as they might be on the surface - are really gifts. The Divine is "taking a little off the top", and in return giving me something much more valuable.
To end, I’ll share a couple of the lessons I’m learning…
1. The absolute necessity of STAYING PRESENT - HERE & NOW
It's useless to waste any of my energy on “WHAT IF’S” or “REGRETS”
Take one Step at a Time and let go of any “rush to resolve”anything. It's not in my power.
2. A growing and deeper appreciation for the VALUE of each Moment.
Time is finite for us all. This is a fact that I've long ignored. But accepting it now makes so much of Life that much richer. It's brought Deborah and I closer. It's made even the smallest of things something to be treasured...and to be grateful for.
It's a shame to spend 60+ years of one's life before learning these kinds of lessons. But I guess there's no other way to learn them other than through experience, and with the help of a merciful and Divine teacher.
I know more unwanted moments are in my future. It’s inevitable. I pray I’ll remember that the learning can continue because the commas will keep coming. That's a Pearl to put in your pocket.
